I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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