college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
