everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
