So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
