How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
