Cold hands, warm shart.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
operation harelip BJ is a go
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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