You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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