I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
