thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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