me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
