even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
