saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
