I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
