Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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