Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I need a beard to bite.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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