and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
