i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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