Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
worst night to have a conscience
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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