ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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