The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
