When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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