Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
