You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
