I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
