Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
PANTIES FOUND
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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