I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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