I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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