She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
