Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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