shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
