Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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