i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
