im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
