i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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