did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
