After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
