i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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