it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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