god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
