see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
