Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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