direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
