my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My ATM looks so different sober.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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