she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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