college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
