When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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