u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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