Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
