Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
