In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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