His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
