I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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